How to swear like a London local

British people like to have the image of themselves as courteous and polite even if that image has taken a bit of a battering over the last few decades with anti-social behaviour, lager louts and football hooligans becoming more the norm. The use of of swearing and bad language, while always being present, seems to have become way more excepted in every day life, from kids using it to casual swearing on regular tv programmes.

Here’s a look at some of the most common swear words a visitor is likely to here on an every day basis, with some people almost in every sentence.

Wanker The British equivalent to the American jerk-off but usually said with a bit more venom and meaning, not really used in jest too much. ‘He’s a fucking wanker’ is a pretty disdainful putdown, ‘the referee’s a wanker’ is something you’re sure to hear at any football match you attend in London or the UK. If you see anyone making a hand gesture to you with the fingers loosely closed, the tips of the thumb and index finger touching and the hand moving up and down they’re saying ‘you’re a wanker mate’.

Tosser A similar meaning to wanker but not sounding as harsh, used as a putdown, perhaps when you’re exasperated with someone’s behaviour, ‘he’s a tosser (what d’ya do)’.

Twat Along with the word prat, twat refers to someone who’s a an idiot or who makes mistakes or foul ups, ‘what a twat’, ‘a complete prat’. More of a putdown than a severe insult, usually said about someone as opposed to directly to them.

Bollocks A great all purpose word, the Anglo-Saxon for testicles. If someone violently disagrees with you they could just shout ‘bollocks’ or ‘that’s bollocks’, if something is good it could be ‘the bollocks’, or if someone’s showing off they might ‘think they’re the bollocks’. You won’t cause great offence using the word bollocks, only by talking it.

Shite A variation on shit, Irish in origin and it always seems to have a bit more invective when ‘that’s a load of fucking shite’ is said with an Irish accent. A lot more commonly used in the London region now where saying ‘that’s shite’ is maybe more polite than saying ‘that’s shit.’

Dickhead Obviously used as a putdown, calling someone a cock could be used instead of dickhead, normally said when someone is pissed off about something, ‘what a cock’, ‘what a dickhead’.

Fuck Universal throughout the English speaking world and in the speech of a lot of Londoners, don’t be surprised to meet people whose every other word will literally be fuck, half the time they probably don’t even realise they’re using it.

Cunt One of the strongest swear words in English but one you’ll hear all the time in London and not always said in an aggressive way. I worked with a guy at one company who would answer the phone and if it was a customer he recognized would say ‘what d’ya want you cunt’, no offence meant and none taken but be careful trying this with someone you don’t know. Cunting can sometimes be used instead of fucking such as ‘this cunting things broke’ or ‘the cunting weather’s shit again’. I would say that mainly although not exclusively cunt is an insult used by guys against other guys, but there are some women out there who are right cunts.

In a city like London where there’s such a high turnover of new immigrants, new slang and swear words are always being used and adopted especially by teenagers and younger people, although a lot of these words seem to go out of fashion as soon as they become popular. Derivatives of Jamaican or Indian slang are a source for a lot of the newer words but the ones above are some of the basic and most commonly used swear words you’ll here during any trip to London.

Checkout a classic Derek and Clive sketch below where most of the dialogue is cunt and fucking.