What’s up doc

Thanks to Joe E. for this funny insight into the coded language hospital staff are using. Pumpkin positive, love that one.

“Plumbum oscillans”: Latin for “swinging the
lead,” meaning someone who’s not really sick but is trying to get
the doctor to say he is.

“Dirtbag Index”: number of tattoos on the patient’s body
multiplied by the number of missing teeth to estimate the total days he
has gone without a bath.

“CTD”: Circling the Drain (for patients not expected to
make it).

“GPO”: Good For Parts Only

“Rule of Five”: the principle that, if more than five of
the patient’s orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance.

“Giving the O-sign”: a patient lying with his mouth open.

“Giving the Q-sign”: a patient lying with his mouth open
and his tongue hanging out.

“LOBNH”: Lights On But Nobody Home

“Oligoneuronal”: not too bright.

“Pumpkin positive”: a brain so small that a penlight shone
into the patient’s mouth will make his empty head light up like a
Halloween pumpkin.

“GOK”: the God Only Knows diagnosis.

“FLK”: Funny Looking Kid

“PIMBA”: a Brazilian acronym translated as
“swollen-footed, drunk, run-over beggar.”

“CNS-QNS”: Central Nervous System - Quantity Not
Sufficient

“PGT”: Pissed, Got Thumped

“Digging for Worms”: varicose vein surgery.

“Departure Lounge”: geriatric ward.

“Handbag Positive”: confused elderly lady.

“Woolworth’s Test”: if you can imagine the patient shopping
at

Woolworth’s, it’s safe to give a general anesthetic.

“TEETH”: Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy

By BootsnAll | Permalink

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